Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
