I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Randomize
