I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
