I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
