just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
