No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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