I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
