Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
