wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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