You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
