I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
