Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
my liver is dry heaving
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