Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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