You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
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