Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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