I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
