Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
