Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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