I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
