Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
