The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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