i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
