Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
A+ Viking dick
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
