my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
