found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
