idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
