Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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