You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
