You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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