I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
