i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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