Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
NoShamevember. You game?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
