I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Less talking, more tequila
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize