I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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