oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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