it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
