White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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