we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
