can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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