nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
