My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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