you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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