the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
