Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
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