It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
It's like God shit irony all over that family
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
