i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
