i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
