I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
