suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Bring me that man meat
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
