The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I skipped work to stalk him.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
