The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
