He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
