She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
