I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
