tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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