Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
