Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
