Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Randomize
