I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
