God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Randomize
