I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
