He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
