He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
