Don't make out with my wife yet
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
