I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Im part way to drunk.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
