i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
