Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Randomize
