I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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