It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
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yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
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Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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